The Other Woman

By El Che

The Other Woman

Author: Donnie Boyd

“The other woman finds time to manicure her nails

The other woman is perfect where her rival fails

And she’s never seen with pin curls in her hair.” – Nina Simone

young-couple

They go by many names, “side piece,” “mistress,” “cuddle buddy,” “friend with benefits,” or “baby girl.” The other woman is a role that many women are currently playing, or have played. Typically the other woman is villafied – often called a homewrecker or man stealer. I know what it feels like to be told by someone that you want to spend the rest of your life with that “I’m leaving you, for her.” I understand the invisible stab wound of being contacted by the other woman when you thought you and your lover were exclusive. I too, damned all of those “low self-esteem having,” “scantily clad dressing,” “desperate” heffas to hell, until I, not by choice, became one.

“The other woman enchants her clothes with French perfume

The other woman keeps fresh cut flowers in each room

There are never toys that scatter everywhere.” – Nina Simone

For some women, they are always “the other woman,” and in that case, they target men who are married or seriously involved. They often say that those types of relationships are “easier.” They are fiercely independent, and sometimes have highly demanding (or controversial) careers, so it’s easier to deal with men from a distance. It also builds their self esteem to know that they are attractive and “bad” enough to get the attention of a man who is supposedly in love. They often target men of stature including athletes, entertainers or politicians. These women enjoy occupying the space of “the other woman,” because it adds to their social and economic lives.

“And when her baby comes to call

He’ll find her waiting like a lonesome queen

Cause when she’s by his side

It’s such a change from old routine.” – Nina Simone

Most women who are 25 or older have “accidentally” slipped into the role of the other woman. Through a business relationship or a friendship, you begin speaking with a man with no intention of becoming emotionally involved with him. Then one day, you may lock eyes with him, or during a late night conversation, he may flirt a bit and then the line is crossed. Through a genuine friendship, you may learn that your “friend,” is unhappy and while trying to offer friendly advice, you realize that not only are you attracted to each other but that you are compatible in every way. Although sympathetic toward the wife or the girlfriend (because you’ve been in that position), you’re also emotionally attached to your partner and desire exclusivity. You never plan to cause another woman the emotional hurt that you know all too well, but emotions are powerful – especially feelings of love and sometimes it gets too deep to turn back and even if you and your partner tried to call it off, you’d experience regret and hurt because you desire each other. This regret and hurt would only cause resentment in your partner’s relationship – because she’s not you, and any man that comes along would never measure up to him.  Depending on why you are the other woman, you may experience a lifetime of loneliness, or a lifetime of love.

“But the other woman will always cry herself to sleep

The other woman will never have his love to keep

And as the years go by the other woman

Will spend her life alone.” – Nina Simone

Donnie Boyd is a High School English Teacher and she’s also Rhymefest’s personal assistant. You can find her on twitter – @engteacher. She is our resident relationship guru and will be writing a weekly blog entry about relationships.

Filed in: Uncategorized • Monday, September 21st, 2009

Comments

“First and foremost, ‘tight read,’ telling and sharp.”

Yes, I have been the woman and the other woman. Amazing the infinite roles we play in this life. Forever in school, learning.
Reading this article sent waves in my frequencies, reason my present state of mind and position.
Felt good to confirm.
I’ve been disrespected by my man and a jezebel. Proverbs defines her. She knew of me but proceeded ahead. The disrespect was dam near unbearable. After I erupted, I began to think rational and put myself in her position having played the role in the past. Dipping where I wasn’t suppose to be because “we inner connected” making all actions euphoric but unrealistic. History!

Amidst the Saturn ring, I became fixated. There was a void til an appointed encounter one bright Friday morning. She wore a red wrap dress, middle back weave with bangs, round shades pimple scar on right cheek. “Yeah, I studied her.” Every move, every smell, every word. That moment was documented for future references on top of that her appearance was opposite my earthy fro and demeanor, I humbly state.

“Much success to you” were my last words to this woman. I meant it! Her day would come and I’d not take pride in the disturbing ripples sure to arise in her frequencies, and that “invisible stab,” but, humbly sympathize. It will be a day when her love is luminary and deep, and she’d experience my position.

Cipher rolling.

Myra,
Thanks so much for reading the blog and leaving your comment. I am amazed by the infinite roles we play & the older I get, the more I realize the importance of not being judgmental.

The cipher does roll and every action does have an equal (and sometimes more forceful) reaction. It’s really do believe it is all about intent. Some women are like sharks that lurk in the deep. Those women certainly do get their due. In other times, God may be working in order to free people from psychological or emotional bondage. I love your writing! You should blog!

– Hotep!

I agree… all a woman should do is wish the other woman “the best” and move on because the main woman is being freed from bondage. In my last relationship I was on both sides of the fence. First the “other woman” then I became “the woman”. Once I was “the woman” I tried my best to justify in my head all the reasons my relationship would work. Hell, I thought I was a MUCH better woman than the last and our love was real. But if I was a better woman and our love was real then why did I go through the same crap? Was there a pattern?

As the “other woman” there were tears of loneliness but moving on to become “the woman” they became the tears of betrayal, deceit, and distrust ten-fold. The guy’s strategy became more deceptive, he hid things better and he always made himself the victim. (At times I found myself thinking about if this was what the woman before me went through.)

Through my experience, I have learned that, Karma is a bitch so the grass is never greener on the other side in situations like this. But the “other woman” never knows until they become “the woman”.

i have been the other woman. i loved him more than probably anyone ever will. i found it easy to walk away once i found out how “deep” the skeletons went in his closet….
it hurt but he made it easier by being so defensive it was not only insensitive but also kind of scary.
i have been blessed with a man who loves me. truly loves me. we communicate on a level that is defined by friendship. we laugh, ask silly questions, i jump on his back and he carries me…lol…we’re big kids! i love it!
i found that what i thought i wanted was really just because i didnt know how wonderful life could be without it.
😀
i loved reading your piece sis.
you deserve love and hopefully have found someone who sees you for the shining star you are…in and out!
keep writing & keep loving my lil aquarius sis!

The other woman has become a messy term in our society for many reasons. But the “why” is really the most important part. I think that woman have loathed “the other woman” when they should look at the man who has for many reasons chosen another woman. In some cases the other woman is who the man should ideally be with..in other cases it is not. After reading, I saw how I didn’t even know I was the other woman because of naivete. Its a really delicate line between being another woman and being there for someone as a support. At any rate, being able to talk about this subject in a mature, non-hurtful manner is very rare and I appreciate the blog entry.

High-Five(On the Black Hand Side) Ms. Boyd :-)

Donnie,

Thank You for your kind words! I am presently working on my blog! I’d appreciate your insight when it’s up and at em!

Hotep!

Mr. Boyd,

I’d appreciate if you’d check out my blogs. Share some feedback.

Thank You,

Peace&Success

and poeticmeyo.blogspot.com

Jenna,

Your perspective was very interesting. It is certainly true that going from “the other woman” to “the woman,” can lead to even more pain. Luckily, my experience going from “the other” to “the woman” was incredibly positive and rather than tears of loneliness there were tears of joy. It could’ve easily gone the other day, but God truly looks out.

Mz. Kitty – thanks for your positive energy and I am happy that you have found love! True, deep, & healthy love is rare commodity!

KandiceNate – OMG! You said it! That line between support & the other woman is delicate and you don’t you’ve crossed it until you’re on the other side.

Myra,
I LOVE your poetry! The simple complexity of it. I was giggling, pondering & reflecting on my own travels. You have a strong/powerful voice and I pray that you continue to write and put those words out into the universe.

Thanks for reading!

Thank You.

Hotep

Where are you? Miss you!

Hello Myra! I’m still around. How sweet of you to leave this message 😉 We’re in overdrive mode now trying to put the album out, so this space has been used for that lol. I’m still blogging, you can check me out here: http://web.me.com/dnboyd/dnicole/Home.html You can also follow me on twitter: @engteacher. Look forward to seeing you on the other site. 😉

 

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About

Che Smith is a revolutionary artist, writer, and activist. Popularly known as Rhymefest, the South Side Chicago native has been a trailblazer in music, television, and politics.